Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
