i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
