dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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