and i looked up. we had an audience...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
