so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
