bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
