I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
