Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He did a backflip because drugs
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
