I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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