i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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