Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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