does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
