I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
