just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
