I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
