So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
