She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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