oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
