Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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