So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
