hell yes lets make some ravioli
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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