Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
