Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
