So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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