every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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