Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
