Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
