Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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