singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
