My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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