Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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