There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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