32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
