Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
