Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
