guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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