So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
