he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
