i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
