ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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