Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
