Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
