Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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