I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Randomize
