soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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