We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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