These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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