just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
