Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
