Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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