don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
