He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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