HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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