they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
