We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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