Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
