I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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