i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
