Kiss
Puke
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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