Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Damn victory sex feels great
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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