so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
