I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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