Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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