I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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