when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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