My friends, they love my intelligence
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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