"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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