I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
