I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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